IN THIS ISSUE:
Cultivating Hospitality
Be A Placemaker
Q and A with Jenny Pridgeon, Kathryn Wales, and Frances Wiese
Book Recommendation: Cold Tangerines
Staying Healthy From Home
As I write this article about hospitality, we are all tucked away in our own corners of the world, sheltering in place. It feels a bit surreal, and unnatural. Because the truth is, as human beings, we were meant for connection. And connection happens when we gather together in groups both small and large sharing food, drink, music, and the daily joys & sorrows of life.
Putting aside world pandemics for a moment, here are a few of my favorite tips for cultivating a warm, welcoming home whether it’s in your dorm room or newly minted post college apartment or house.
“At the heart of hospitality is a love for others, and one of the clearest ways to love others is by inviting them into your space.”
My first tip is to begin with the end in mind. As you’re starting out, think through the type of home (whether a one-bedroom apartment or an entire house) you would like to create, and slowly build toward that goal. This includes hospitality, cooking, and housekeeping because all three are intertwined. We’re more likely to invite people into our homes if we feel confident in our cooking, housekeeping and hospitality skills. The opposite is also true. If we feel deficient in two or more areas, there is a domino effect. You might not feel like your house is clean enough, or you hate to cook, or you might feel anxious about hosting a group of people, so you get into a rut and never invite guests into your home.
I have found that really understanding the WHY of hospitality, keeps me focused on my end goals. And I really appreciate that one of Curate’s goals is to answer the question: How do you create a life that serves others through physical, tangible ways?
And isn’t this what defines hospitality—welcoming, serving and building relationships with others? I’ve tried to build our home, family and even a lifestyle blog around the idea of fostering relationships & loving others through our physical space (home) & with food. At the heart of hospitality is a love for others, and one of the clearest ways to love others is by inviting them into your space.
When hosting gets stressful, often it’s because I am forgetting my original mission—to love others. And while creating beautiful spaces is one of my favorite things to do, when my clean house & my décor takes center stage (when it starts to become the Jen show), things start to go south fast (just ask my husband and kids). Here are few tips for simplifying hospitality:
FOOD
Have a short list of “back pocket” meals that you can quickly make (mine include, burgers/chicken on the grill, roasted potatoes & salad, an easy pasta & sauce). Back pocket meals should be part of your muscle memory—so easy to make that you don’t have to use a recipe.
If you don’t love to cook, a rotisserie chicken is a great place to start! Add rotisserie chicken to pasta tossed with olive oil, sautéed garlic and roasted or steamed broccoli, top with grated parmesan. Serve with a salad and your favorite store-bought bread.
Assemble your go-to salad & add chicken.
Make a quick chicken soup. Sauté carrots, celery along with a bit of garlic & onion for a few minutes, add chicken stock, cubed or shredded chicken, and cooked noodles (my favorites are orzo, ditalini, or kluski egg noodles).
Serve easy to assemble food. Think charcuterie board—piled high with cheese, crackers, & cured meat.
Find a few favorite “fancy” snacks that you love. Nuts, olives, kettle potato chips, salsa and guacamole, & such. Serve in pretty bowls. “At the heart of hospitality is a love for others, and one of the clearest ways to love others is by inviting them into your space.”
Your freezer is your friend. Prep cookie dough, scones, etc. ahead of time and freeze. Bake before guests arrive.
Find cookbooks/cookbook authors that you like and learn from them. My favorites include: Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa), Lucinda Scala Quinn at Mad Hungry, Deb Perlman of Smitten Kitchen, and Half Baked Harvest. Their recipes work & they are great teachers. But my favorites may not be yours—you need to find cooks that resonate with your approach to food.
DECORATING
As you are setting up your first home, only buy things you love. This creates less clutter and waste, and more joy as you decorate and set a table.
Keep it simple! Stick with quality neutral plates, glassware, silverware. Accessorize with flowers & fun napkins.
Before guests arrive, set the mood - think music & candles.
HOUSEKEEPING
For the short term (before guests arrive), master the art of quick cleaning. Start with bathroom sink, toilet, floors, load dish washer, take a basket and quickly remove clutter, run the vacuum in high traffic areas.
For the long term, come up with a plan for keeping your house clutter free & organized. It’s much easier to clean a clutter free home.
Some people are natural cleaners and neatniks. Some of us are students. I’m in the latter camp. I have been on a 20+ year pursuit of learning to be more tidy & organized. And not to be a bandwagon girl, but Marie Kondo’s book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is my favorite. Only buying & keeping what really brings me joy, along with ruthlessly purging has been revolutionary.
HOSTING
Sometimes keeping up lively conversation can feel daunting, keep an assortment of favorite games on hand, or a stack of fun ice breaker questions.
At the dining table, strategically seat your more talkative/outgoing guests.
And as I often remind my own kids, conversation is like a game of tennis. You have to hit the ball back into the other persons court - ask questions that don’t leave room for simple yes or no answers.
Jennifer Lutz
Lifestyle Blogger (Jennifer Lutz at Home)
Finally, be patient with yourself. These tips and ideas have been learned over years of party planning and hosting. As my mom still reminds me, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Through practice, you will improve as a hostess and housekeeper. Don’t allow the pursuit of perfect food & décor to keep you from the main mission. Cooking, decorating and housekeeping should be about setting the stage—creating beauty and ambiance that says, “I’m delighted you came.” But the most important thing is that you open your home to others, confident that most people welcome an invitation.
Places shape us as much as we shape them. This may be most true of a “home”. No matter where it is, Home is a space where we build memories, shed tears, eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting, cozy up with a good book, or laugh until we can’t laugh anymore.
“I am beginning to realize there is far more beyond great design and function. It is more about the life lived within the walls and the people you invite in to share your life.”
My family has lived in one home. A beautiful farmhouse on the top of a hill surrounded by acres of family-owned farmland. I loved my home so much growing up I was convinced it was the only place for me. It was my forever home. You’re probably wondering where I expected my parents to live? Well, I had a plan for that as well. They were going to build a small “retirement” home on our property. They’ve always wanted a smaller home someday, so of course this was the perfect solution. I wanted deep roots in the only home I had ever known. Home was a very specific, physical space to me. Building my life in the small, familiar town surrounded by everything and everyone I loved was the perfect plan. Now, I’m sure you’re a step ahead of me and realize I did not move home after college to claim my childhood home as my own. I’ve lived in four houses since my college days. Each move, new roommate, and fresh experience, has taught me a little more about this nuanced idea of home, and l how to live well in the imperfect corners.
There is no denying home is a physical space. Building a home for yourself will always include organizing closets, finding furniture, and creating a functional place to live. My sporadic thoughts on the matter have started to take shape in a deeper and richer way in recent months. Maybe this has something to do with the endless days at home due to canceled plans and social distancing. This, of course, is also dangerous. In a matter of hours, I have gone from being convinced grasscloth wallpaper is exactly what my dining room needs, to deciding it’s finally time to renovate my 1980’s basement, to wanting to repaint my bathroom (for the third time in five years…). There is nothing like endless hours in a place to help you see its potential or its faults. Blogs, magazines, and Pinterest all have endless things to tell us about how to perfectly curate a beautiful and functional space and I love all of it. However, these influences aren’t solely responsible for shaping my thoughts on home. I am beginning to realize there is far more beyond great design and function. It is more about the life lived within the walls and the people you invite in to share your life. How can your home be a place to laugh, rest, and build memories? It can be as simple as always burning a favorite candle, having a brownie mix ready to pop in the oven at any time, or investing in a few games guaranteed to bring the fun to the party.
“Don’t simply arrange a space, create an environment where you can write the next chapter in your life.”
I’m currently reading a book called Placemaker by Christie Purifoy. The book is not what I thought it would be when I picked it up, but it is slowly and meaningfully giving words to the lessons I’ve learned. To define “placemaking”, Christy writes, “It is deliberately sending your roots deep into a place, like a tree. It means allowing yourself to be nourished by a place even as you shape it for the better.” Placemaking “I am beginning to realize there is far more beyond great design and function. It is more about the life lived within the walls and the people you invite in to share your life.” is building and filling spaces. It is blooming where you are planted, even if it is just for a season. Isn’t that beautiful? How can we stop looking at the spaces we occupy as four walls, furniture, and personal belongings scattered about and start seeing them as places that can nourish us and others? The room at home where you are sitting for endless hours on Zoom, your off-campus house shared with best friends, or the future apartment you’ll soon occupy are all spaces where you will leave your mark. A mark will be left on you too because within those walls you will learn, grow, build memories that last a lifetime, and maybe impact the life of another.
Rebekah Dell
Dean of Women
Don’t simply arrange a space, create an environment where you can write the next chapter in your life. It may look different than what you expected, but that’s ok. I’ll probably never live in my childhood home again, but I know now that home isn’t simply a physical space, it is a set of places where my story has and will continue to unfold.
I’ll leave you with one final word from Christy Purifoy “I sometimes see only a string of insignificant and anonymous apartments. But I have come to understand that no place on earth is insignificant, and no shelter truly anonymous. Beauty can be found almost anywhere.”
Q: How can you craft welcoming spaces in a dorm room or apartment setting?
Jenny | So many of my friends had a cohesive aesthetic and were able to carry them out in their dorm rooms, which was continually impressive to me. But I also noticed beautiful decorations didn’t always translate to welcoming spaces. Something I learned in college, and many times again in the years since I’ve graduated: bringing people into your space to share the best of what you have doesn’t mean you need a lot. I feel most welcome when there is a place for me to sit, a person who asks a good question and listens to the answer, and maybe a hot cup of tea.
Kathryn | Making people feel welcome is what the art of hospitality is all about. It's important to have a tidy, aesthetically pleasing place to cultivate friendship, because then the focus really is on the person rather than the surroundings. A disordered environment is a distraction, and can make people feel embarrassed or hemmed in. Good lighting helps tremendously, too--natural light whenever possible is best. Give your guest the most comfortable chair. Put out fresh flowers or light a candle to signify an element of celebration for the relationship. I've learned these things from the women in my life who've made me feel most welcome in their homes.
Frances | When a few friends and I decided to move off campus for senior year, we really wanted to find a space to host people. Our apartment ended up being kind of small and at first, we weren’t sure how well we could host. However, as the year progressed, our apartment ended up being the perfect place to host bible study, girl’s nights, or for people to stop by on their way to SAB events. A few things go a long way when making a welcoming space. First, make your dorm or apartment visually welcoming. I prefer spaces that are decluttered, but still look lived in. Prioritize seating if the space allows it or get a comfy rug so people can sit on the floor. This is a practical way to make a place for people to spend their time in. Secondly, invite people over often and let them stay late. At some point, you just have to start hosting and people will get the memo that your space is one where they are welcome. Allow people to come over when they feel inclined and don’t rush them out. Finally, let people use your stuff, whether it be dishes, food, or shorts for an impromptu dance party. This makes it clear that your guests are not an inconvenience and invites them to feel comfortable. These are all ways to give your home, time, and resources to serve others tangibly.
Q: How do you find or create community outside of college (i.e. without living with all your friends)?
Jenny | To begin, you have to go to the places where there is a good chance you’ll find people who are “kindred spirits.” If you like to be active, join an adventure club; if your faith is important to you, get involved in church and join a small group; say yes to social opportunities with your co-workers. Secondly, commitment is key. It is really important to be as consistent as you can. People will come to depend on you, know you can be trusted, and deepening your roots will be easier. Finally, be patient. Even if you find really great people right off the bat (and you may not), it takes a long time to spend as much time with them as you spent with a friend in college over the course of a single week.
Kathryn | The advice I normally give to young women who are leaving Hillsdale is to find or start a book club. It's a small way of continuing the academic part of the experience here while also building friendships. I've cherished all of the reading-based clubs that I've joined or founded in my thirteen years since graduating.
But if that feels too intimidating or like too much work, I have another suggestion. When I was first married and in a new place, I won a raffle prize at work that changed my life: a coupon for a baker's dozen of Panera bagels every month for a year (two tubs of cream cheese included!). I made a list of all of the women I had met so far and it turned out to be eleven (leaving one for my husband). I decided to email all of these women and tell him I was starting a Bagel Club at my apartment one Saturday morning each month. I would make coffee. To my surprise and delight, they all came. We chatted about anything and everything. It was glorious. When the coupon expired, we all agreed to keep going. We would each pitch in a $2 cover change and take turns hosting. This went on for seven years, and those friendships were essential to my functioning and flourishing as a new wife and mom. You don't need the Panera coupon to do this. Make muffins. Sample sourdough recipes. If you bake it, they will come. (But have a gluten-free alternative for those friends, too!) Also, I throw a lot of parties and invent any excuse to have one. I do tend to create community beyond what is already there to be found because it comes naturally to me. If you're more introverted, team up with an extrovert to make these things happen.
Frances | I know for me, finding a community outside of college will take a lot more intentionality. College is a rare and happy experience of being surrounded by peers, but as we know, it’s not permanent. Knowing where I will be after college, I have adjusted my expectations and plans on ways I can seek out a community. It may not be something that springs up organically. Make yourself available so that you have time to give to activities where you can meet people with similar interests. Be intentional in finding people around you that you can share something with, whether it’s an idea, experience, or passion. I have a mental list of people in my town or area that I would like to get to know better. Form new friendships and be willing to include others in those relationships whenever you can. The friends you form might be different crowd than you are used to, but that is what makes a rich community!
Q: What is the most important part of home to you and why?
Jenny | The idea and reality of home is an amalgamation of so many things. But, the ability to welcome people into my space has always been the most important part to me. I’ve learned having a “perfect meal” and a “perfect kitchen” and the “perfect plates” are things that can make hospitality more intimidating and more difficult, not less so. Laughing around a pizza after a great conversation and singing songs we all think we know the words to bring me so much joy and satisfaction. It is a chance to feel connected to people in such a way that, when everyone leaves for the night, you feel re-energized in your work, or challenged to think about something more deeply, or encouraged to love your community better, or maybe to memorize those song lyrics you thought you knew.
Kathryn | I have to say my answer is being changed and shaped by the quarantine right now. For a long time, I have been too dependent on a balance between life inside and outside of the home. Now that there is literally nothing going on outside of the home, I'm learning to appreciate more of what my home is to me and to each of the members of my family. It is my job to make it "a bright and cheerful Christian home" as my favorite examination of conscience prompts. It should be a place where anyone can feel welcome, but especially the people who live here. I see that more clearly now that it falls upon me to keep morale up for everyone. I want them to want to be home. That means filling the place with good things--beautiful objects, movie nights on the projector, fun foods at dinner, afternoon dance parties, and a rich liturgical life that roots those joys in prayerful gratitude. I'm still learning to do all of these things. For most of last week, the marker board with the day's schedule in the kitchen just read, "Be better than yesterday." It is hope that is the most important part of home.
Frances | Being known and loved, though this is something I only understood when I left home and came to Hillsdale. I grew up in Sibley, Iowa, a town even smaller than Hillsdale (there are 2,500 people there). For most of my life, I couldn’t wait to leave and experience anything other than what I had in Sibley. I did not think my town was beautiful and I felt stagnant there. But when I got to Hillsdale, I started to miss a lot of things about Sibley. I missed swinging at Sunset park, waving at everyone I saw, and seeing the giant blue skies. On the other hand, I was beginning to settle into Hillsdale and see the beauty of the college and community. When I started to experience being known and deeply loved at Hillsdale, it was transformative. I not only had a second home, but I realized that I left a home of equal value. The community and town of Sibley had been there my whole life - watching me grow up, sing in the choir, and rollerblade around with my friends. It was a place that knew me and loved me, but I hadn’t seen it or loved it back. I have since grown to love Sibley and am planning to live there permanently as I invest in the community that invested so much in me.
Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist
Shauna is an amazing author - she breathes life into the pedestrian experience we're all living here on this Earth. Her book, Cold Tangerines, is a collection of her stories, and the lessons she's learned in her pursuit of an exuberant, joy-filled life. When I read this book, what stuck out to me was her passion for making the present day an adventure.
“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.”
One of the best ways to feel connected to my home is to have a daily routine. Whether heading out on your own for the first time or navigating family life after being away at school, a routine helps bring consistency and familiarity to the unknown. Important for both my physical and mental health, some sort of exercise is so important! Here are some suggestions on things you can do from home.
Go for a walk (or run)- At least 30 minutes is suggested for cardiovascular health and I usually need that long to clear my head. When in a new place, walks are a great way to explore and learn about the city.
Stretch- It does not have to be yoga, just think back to your old PE classes, grab a spot on the floor and take some time to take care of your body.
Find an online class- From kick boxing to core, there are a ton of free and subscription classes online you can do in your living room.
Play a game- If you are home with parents or siblings, take some time to pass a ball around or play a game of basketball. Exercise and family bonding all in one!