Living Free from Comparison
BY: LAUREN SHEARD
The summer before the start of my senior year of high school, I went on a mission trip to Detroit, MI. The trip itself was humbling, but it wasn’t until the final night when a simple sentence captivated me in a profound way that still sticks with me today. "How are you supposed to show the love of God to those around you if you can’t even love and recognize yourself as an image of God?”
As the speaker left the stage, I left with tears in my eyes, realizing what I had been doing was not only harmful to myself, but hurting the one who loved me the most. All of the moments spent on a scale, sneaking food into the garbage, and running mile after mile now seemed wasteful and silly. From that moment on, I knew things had to change.
I wish I could say that my eating disorder habits disappeared immediately from that point on, but it was a much more gradual process. Some small steps included no longer weighing myself each day or eating a bagel with butter which was a forbidden food item in my mind.
Fast forward a year later to the start of my freshman year at Hillsdale and I can confidently say I had come a long way with building my self-confidence, but I still had a ways to go. My eating disorder habits hadn’t completely disappeared from my life and would make appearances in subtle ways. For example, I didn’t touch a single Saga dessert my freshman year. Yes, that means I never had any ice cream from the soft serve machine!
In all honesty, college made it harder to stay true to my goal of viewing myself as a child of God. Anyone who has attended Hillsdale knows that the college is full of brilliant, talented, athletic, and well-rounded people. Along with physical appearances, I was now comparing my intelligence, my work ethic, and my attitude with all those around me. It was exhausting and it wasn’t worth it.
Looking back on my four years of college, I now can see the ways in which my struggle with self-confidence and comparison restrained me from participating in all the opportunities that Hillsdale offered. I didn’t go to office hours as much as I should have out of fear that the professor would view me as incompetent. I didn’t voice my opinions or ideas during work meetings out of fear of being rejected. I wasn’t open about my struggles because it seemed like I was the only person who didn’t have their life together.
If I could offer any piece of advice to my freshman self, it would be to stop wasting time comparing yourself to others and allow yourself to become the person that God created you to be. Rest in the fact that he has equipped you to not only be a student at Hillsdale College but a beautiful, smart, and capable woman. Talk to that professor, join that club, and indulge in some soft serve Saga ice cream because before you know it, graduation day will be here and those opportunities will no longer be at your fingertips.
