Things I Wish I Would Have Known While in College
By: Dr. Barbara Bushey
When I was actually IN college, for the first time, I wish I had known more about “how to go to college”—what offices would help in a given situation, who you should talk to about what. I was the first in the family to go to college, and I felt like other students always knew what they were doing much better than I did. I might have done better in a smaller school, rather than the state behemoth that I chose. This experience went on to inform my teaching and my advising as a professor. I tried to be on the lookout for those who seemed a bit lost, and tried to give clear-and-complete-without-being-condescending answers.
I wish I had had a clearer vision of my path when I was in college; I knew people who knew exactly what classes to take, and exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up. I was so jealous of them! And yet, somehow, everything came together and I eventually became a contributing member of adult society, although it did take considerably longer for me than for many others. Ultimately, the message is TRUST YOURSELF. You are going to be alright.
I really wish I had learned about How to Be Organized: I can’t tell you how many semesters went by before I figured out how I SHOULD have organized my notebooks, my note-taking, my paper-writing. (And goodness knows, this was back in the olden days when we wrote our papers on index cards, thought by thought, and then TYPED them up on a typewriter. I think I got better over the years, but my, I could have saved a lot of time, and anxiety.)
Remember, I spent my CAREER in college; there is always something new to learn. The most important thing I have learned is the only person you can really change is yourself.
I think in our youth we spend a lot of time and energy on the idea that we can change someone: if only my parents were cooler, if only my boyfriend was the kind to remember to open the car door for me, if only my friends didn’t chew with their mouths open, if only, if only, if only.
The fact is, the only person you can really change is yourself. As much as I think that the world would be a much better place if I were in charge of it, I have to work on being a better version of myself; fulfill my grandest potential, set a good example for others, leave the world a better place than I found it. (…and occasionally, stop ordering people around.)
The years passing by help: our parents no longer embarrass us ---not because their behavior has changed any, but because we have come to see ourselves as truly separate from them. It doesn’t reflect on you if your father insists on engaging every historical reenactor in a discussion of their times and views. (There was a particularly trying incident when he chatted up someone playing Abraham Lincoln for about 30 minutes, and I thought I was going to DIE, but I was fourteen at the time.) Your parents
are the dear souls who did their best to raise you properly, to offer support and a clear moral path, and take you to the library AGAIN. Be kind to them. They won’t always be around.
Really what this comes down to is realizing that we are no big prize ourselves, and maybe we have to re-think our judgment of the world. If your boyfriend is cranky and mean on any given afternoon, maybe you should be kinder and sweeter: you could be the problem. If your friend offers a comment you feel is hurtful, perhaps you should offer a kindness rather than snap back. Consider being more proactive rather than reactive in any given situation; you might be able to change yourself and your attitudes more than you can imagine. Don’t rely on others to make you happy. If you train yourself to see the world as a grand place, it will be one. Good luck.
