At 21 years young, I was at the peak of my physical fitness. As a Hillsdale College track and field athlete, I was running circles around my previous personal times on the track and lifting heavier than I ever had. I was strong, I was confident, and I praised my body for what I put it through day-in and day-out as a college athlete.

Flash forward to today I’m a third-year medical student at the University of Toledo. On my surgical rotation I work 60+ hour weeks at the hospital and my rare free time is typically spent studying and sleeping. The only running I’ve done this month is around the hospital units. 

In this new life chapter, my physical fitness is not the main theme. My worth and accomplishments are not measured by my long jump school record or my ability to qualify to the national championship meet. I’m judged by my ability to provide compassionate, comprehensive care and acquire the skills and clinical knowledge necessary to be a great physician. The focus has moved away from how my body serves me to how my body allows me to serve others.

I wish I could tell you that by serving others and living out my passion, sometimes to the extent of sacrificing my own health, that I never struggle with my current body image, but that would be a lie. Somedays I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize my body. I struggle with my thighs that are no longer defined and the curves on my hips that never used to be there. I struggle with the fact that I can hardly do 10 pushups or sprint 100 meters. I want to be real with you.

A few months after graduation, I started experiencing many negative thoughts I had never experienced before. In addition to the negative thoughts I had towards my body, I was feeling lonely because the team I was a member of for 5 years suddenly dissolved as soon as I flipped the tassel on my graduation cap. I felt lost having no athletic goals on the horizon, no regimented workout schedule, or responsibility to show up and train. I felt like my identity was in shambles. I struggled with these thoughts wondering why I was feeling the way I did and pondering why no one else was experiencing it too.

The reality of the situation is what I was feeling is too common for post-collegiate athletes. My research on the topic led me to many articles discussing a term called “post-collegiate depression” used to describe the loss of identity, goals, and confidence many former collegiate athletes experience when they move on to life after college. Wanting to explore further, I reached out to college teammates and found that many of my feelings about the changes to my body, the lack of motivation I was experiencing to move my body, and the loneliness I felt trying to navigate this chapter alone was completely reiterated by many.

For the current college athletes reading this, my only hope for this article is that I can prepare you for success after college and a battle plan to attack any post-collegiate depression that may come your way. So, what’s the secret you ask? Movement. Movement is medicine.

Movement can be so beneficial in countless ways. It can help improve your mental health. It releases endorphins which elevate your mood. Movement helps me feel proud of my body, it allows me to feel capable and accomplished whether I completed my 10,000 steps per day goal or I completed my first long run in weeks. It looks differently for everyone and it doesn’t have to follow the path of the athlete you were before. I know former swimmers and basketball players that are now marathoners, runners who are yoga enthusiasts or mountain climbers, soccer players that rock the cross-fit life. There is no straight and narrow path for athletes after college. There is a limitless world of activity waiting to be explored. So, move in whatever way makes you feel the most proud and confident of yourself and your body.

In your choice of movement, motivate yourself by setting goals. Whether big or small it doesn’t matter, set them all. After my sprinting days were over, I could hardly run one mile. I craved a big goal that would get me on my feet and out the door often, so I set my eyes on completing a half marathon. But you can’t go straight from 0 to 13.1, so I set many small mileage goals to help guide me to my big goal. By completing even the smallest goal, it can and will boost your sense of accomplishment.

My last piece of advice is to share your movement. Find a friend, a former teammate, a co-worker and share your goals and work towards them together. No group of people will ever replace the sense of belonging that you felt with your college teammates but finding people who are at a similar chapter in life as you that may share your crazy schedule or lack of energy can be just as supportive. Sharing in experiences together helps keep you accountable and it also provides community to share the hills and valleys with.

In conclusion, I truly want to promote positive self-talk. If I focus on all my body now lacks, how could I be confident and proud of it? Despite all it lacks or all the ways it has changed, I am so proud of my body. Even though my body has changed, it doesn’t mean it is any less capable or that it can no longer do hard things. My body is still capable of doing hard things just hard things are no longer as easily measurable or celebrated as they were in college athletics. The truth of the matter is that I can choose to dwell on what I think my body now lacks, or I can choose to dwell on my body’s capability to go through all the hard things I put it through in every life chapter. I implore you to do the same.

“If only I could lose 10 pounds, I would win more tennis matches.”
“Once I can get rid of the random pimples on my forehead, I’ll feel more comfortable taking pictures with people.”
“More exercise and eating healthier will hopefully make my hips smaller and my arms thinner.”
“I wish I could have newer clothes, then I would get noticed by others.”
“Once all these things about my body, my looks, and my appearance change, then I’ll be wanted and be enough.”

Thoughts like these and many others about myself would play like a recording in my mind throughout most of my college years. I also witnessed and heard a lot of similar thoughts and desires from my friends, sorority sisters, and teammates. We lived in this constant state of when _____, then _____. It was an exhausting and unfulfilling state of not appreciating the bodies we were given along with the strengths and abilities we possessed. I journeyed on a constant back and forth struggle where I was seeking out my worth and purpose. When I personally reflect on my experience with my body, view of self, and health and wellness journey, I wish I could share with you that there was an exact point in time or certain set of steps that moved me through those thoughts above. However, there really wasn’t. And, if I’m being honest, some of those thoughts above still play themselves on repeat in my mind. I still think that sometimes when _____, then _____.

When you hear the words body image, what comes to mind? For me a long list begins to compile in my mind: food, exercise, health, clothing, appearance, family environment, beliefs about self, thoughts about self, things told to you about yourself, where you find your worth, identity, friends, what you read, what you watch, what you listen to, what we see and what we talk about, just to name a few.

When talking about body image, food and exercise usually are within the conversation. As women, we can easily find ourselves with an idea or ideal in our mind on what our bodies are supposed to look like or should look like to be enough. Often, we then use the food we consume or don’t consume and the type and amount of exercise to manipulate our bodies into our ideal. We need to fuel our body and move our body. And we need these things to be our best, do our best, love, give, laugh, and just be. Our bodies are miracles every day we are breathing, learning, talking, and moving. If we fueled our body with balanced nutrition and engaged in healthy body movement as well as our God-given genetics combined, then the body that exists would be the body we each are meant to have and exist in. We then must accept and love ourselves, joyfully as we are.

Another thing that is usually within conversations about body image is the physical aspect of body. Your size and appearance will change throughout your life. It’s what bodies do. By accepting that truth and detaching your value and happiness from your looks, your feelings about your body don’t have to change each time your body does. Beauty, body, and appearance are fleeting. We are meant to and supposed to age and change. Putting our purpose, meaning, and focus on things that aren’t fleeting allow for sturdy and constant helpful view of self.

I want to leave you with three approaches to thinking and talking about our bodies that are not always considered when talking about body image, as well as a couple reminders and suggestions when it comes to our daily interactions with ourselves and others.

1. Talk to yourself about your body, not your looks. Working to understand and relate to your body from the inside—how it feels and what it can do—not just how it appears. When you can begin to appreciate your own body as an instrument, not an ornament, no one else’s views will have the power to define or destroy your body image. When talking to your family or friends about themselves, tell her who she is—smart, loving, curious, energetic, creative, articulate, compassionate, talented, etc. Sharing things with her that help her see her purpose extending far beyond how well she decorates the earth. When she can find her many purposes, she will feel less need to look to her beauty or her body to find purpose, love, and acceptance.

2. Limit your daily social media intake. When we are constantly being inundated with others, we can begin to fall into comparison and judgment more easily. Social media is not always real life. Pictures and images can easily be edited and altered, and pictures rarely show the complete story. When you begin to notice you are passing judgment on yourself or others about body and appearance, externalize it. Focus on others by doing something for someone else. Leave your roommate a little note, telling them you’re thinking about them. Schedule coffee with a friend you don’t see often around campus. Go for a walk with a classmate after class. We are not made to judge others, let alone, even ourselves. In my personal beliefs, only the Lord is the one to pass judgment. And I’m thankful for that because judging is exhausting.

3. Focus on non-appearance related compliments when talking with friends, family, and peers. Some examples might be,

   “I admire your strength.”
   “You are a good friend.”
   “I love how you are able to see the good in everyone.”
   “You are so resourceful.”
   “The world is lucky to have you.”
   “I feel safe around you.”

Remember, there is no beauty finish line you have to cross before you become worthy of love, respect, and compassion.