The Dangers of Gossip
By: Maddie Clark
“Gossip? I don’t do that!” or at least that’s what I used to (and still often do) tell myself.
You might be asking, well what is gossip then? After reading multiple definitions I compiled my own definition. Gossip (Maddie’s Version): “speaking thoughtlessly, poorly or with ill intent about another’s private matters or rumors you’ve heard.”
Friendship is born in groups. It has the ability to deepen conversations, grow trust and provide relationships. Gossip, however is also born in groups. It has the ability to ruin conversations, trust, reputations and relationships. It is challenging to recognize gossip. When it’s happening a good-natured talk can quickly turn sour if you are careless.
In any group setting there is a speaker and a listener. Both roles are obviously necessary to carry on a conversation. As the speaker, it is important to be mindful of what you’re saying and who you’re saying it to. Are you lifting one another up? Are your words kind? Is someone benefiting from this conversation?
A listener’s duty to the speaker is to simply listen. For some this may be a breeze because listening to the entire story before they speak helps them formulate an opinion or provide their best feedback. For others, this could be more challenging than writing a twenty page paper. When listening, focus on what they’re saying and formulate a sincere response. The listener is not expected to have all the right answers, but it’s their responsibility to honestly give advice. In return, the speaker should not expect the listener to fix all of their problems. Every conversation and interaction you have with your friends does not have to hit all of the hard deep questions. That has EXHAUSTING, BURNT OUT, and TIRED written all over it.
Good friendships are built over time and hundreds of conversations don’t feel pressured to fit in everything at once. I find that I tend to gossip more when I haven’t seen someone in a while. We tend to go for the shock value in order to regain a sense of closeness. So more frequent conversations lead to deeper friendships and (ideally) less gossip.
When you are grabbing coffee and catching up with a friend, its natural to discuss the details of your lives. It’s important to keep your friend in the loop of big life-changing events, the small day to day struggles, or big triumphs. During your conversations hold one another accountable. If you leave the conversation drained and feeling like you didn’t get to know the person better / feel icky, you discussed the wrong things. So what are those wrong things?
Ask yourself these questions to help decipher if you’re discussing the wrong things:
Is the topic of conversation showing love towards that person?
Am I speaking ill about someone?
Would I say this to their face and would they be content with my statement about them?
It is helpful to look at these statements with a positive mindset. Now are these questions a full proof plan in avoiding gossip? Absolutely not, but I hope they’re able to provide some guidelines the next time you go get coffee with a friend, see your roommate after a long day or have dinner in Saga.
I want to end this article with some encouragement.
This article isn’t fool proof, and I’m not perfect. Does anyone have this altogether? No! I don’t know anyone who gets it right every single time. Failure is needed in order to learn and grow. We are sinful creatures but God is merciful. Every day is an opportunity to step closer to Him.
Are you willing to overcome and diminish the distracting gossip? If you are getting one percent or even half a percent better every day, then you’re still getting better. You either get better or you get worse. There is no in between. I encourage you to look for the good in others because there is good. Man was created in the image of God after all.
Proverbs 18 is a wonderful section to reflect on as you are looking to shift how you handle your conversations. Always remember: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
